Then Perish

[Then Perish]

if you’re having a bad day

[mckenziekatherine]

just remember that I, a registered nurse with a bachelors degree, accidentally glued a patient’s foreskin shut over his penis and had to call a urology doctor to come help me get it to retract

[mckenziekatherine]

I had to send a page that said “I glued the patient’s penis shut. send help.”

The urology resident said, “Wow. I’ve never seen anything like this. Let me go ask someone else.”

[mckenziekatherine]

It’s been like 5 days since this happened and I’m just sitting at the nurses station with some coworkers and the urology resident walks by and says “hey! Glue any penises shut lately??” And keeps on walking

THEN ALL MY COWORKERS WERE LIKE WHAT JUST HAPPENED

and so yeah, that freaking doctor exposed me and went on his way

[Then Perish]

[Then Perish]

[plightofthebrokenpussy]

ASDFGHJKLKJHGFDSA

[Then Perish]

[tomatomagica]

this will happen to you if you sexualize minors

[Then Perish]

[fartgallery]

engineer 1: we need a name for the front of the plane where the pilots sit

engineer 2: dick hole

engineer 1: hmm…almost

[Then Perish]

[Then Perish]

[doujinshi]

so this kid he used to bully me in middle school before i got tough, well this is kind of a funny story. so i sugar from time to time but my latest
sugar mommys house is so extra and i didnt bring my glasses but im going through the house because she told me to make myself at home and i see a family photo and im just like he looks really familiar but i cant make out shit. and so she and i start talking and shes like yeah i have a son your age actually and im just like wait… and she was like you’ll meet him later when we go to the car show, and im just like fuckin wait.. and we get to the car show and its me and her we’re holding hands being friendly and shes like and heres my son. and i shit u not this is the same dude who used to fucking bully me in middle school and he starts fucking crying because he didnt know his mom was lesbian and i was just like hey its been a while, but im getting fucked by your mom.

[celticpyro]

[Then Perish]

[cannibalcoalition]

Cute story from work.

So this couple walks in- a broad-shouldered man with an accent (Italian, I think) and a man that I can best describe as looking like Cecil Palmer. 

“Okay- weird question. So you guys did our wedding- amazing by the way. And it’s been a month and just about all the flowers in the vases have died by now except for this one thing that’s really holding on in there. And we want to know what that plant is and how to take care of it to keep it alive. And we don’t know how to like… describe it and it sounds kind of weird to go to up to a stranger and say ‘hey what’s this weird wiggly green plant you put in our vases a month ago?’ but I guess that’s what I’m asking.”

“Sounds like curly willow. If you keep it in water it will eventually start rooting and you can grow a new plant from it from the cutting.” 

“That is too cool! What do you suggest we do?”

“Well, you can keep it in the water for now, but eventually you’ll want to pot it in soil because that’s how it’s going to get its nutrients.”

“Can we,” the Italian guy asks. “Can we plant it in the floor?” I figure he means ‘plant it outside.’ 

I nod. “It’ll keep growing.”

“What does it look like when it’s bigger? Does it stay like a wiggly stick?”

“Oh, no, it’ll branch out. It’s actually a tree.” 

The skinnier one turns to his husband and says:

“Did you hear that, honey? They gave us a tree! We have a tree now!” 

Italian man: “It’s our tree. We love our tree.”

[Then Perish]

[Then Perish]